


This is Enough

by Nightdusk



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Complicated Relationships, Drinking, Eventual Smut, Hitman AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 14:53:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14750996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightdusk/pseuds/Nightdusk
Summary: For them, this is enough.





	This is Enough

He feels numb, broken, devastated as his world comes crumbling down in front of his eyes. He can hear his mother’s loud cries and he wants to cry too. So much. But his body resists to move from its place, his gaze trained at the one thing he shouldn't be seeing but he wants to burn that face in his mind because this, this probably is the last time he will see her when she was just alive couple of minutes ago.

Minhyuk mutes all the voices around him. His head feels dizzy. His legs giving out, unable to stand straight.

Then he feels a hand over his shoulders steadying him from his haze. He turns to his dad.

“Pull yourself together son.” his dad says.

Minhyuk hates that. Hates it so much. Maybe his dad too realises it and his face doesn't defy to show the regret for the words that came out of his mouth. He doesn't correct himself though. He was always this straightforward, arrogant and obstinate. He was against this marriage anyway.

So Minhyuk does just that. Pulls himself together, swallows the tears and the insensitive words thrown at him.

He does everything a good husband supposed to be doing for his late wife. He watched her drain out of life on that hospital bed. He watched her just lay there, unmoving, pale. Watched her get dressed in pretty dress from that queasy hospital gown.

He watches her lie in the coffin, she looks so peaceful there, so serene, so beautiful. His body urges him to join her, just sprawl beside her and then she would giggle at his childishness and run her soft, warm hands through his hair.

It wrecks him to hold her hands that are nothing but cold. He thumbs at the band on her hand and sobs kneeling there, clutching on the edge of the coffin.

 

When he enters the empty house, he feels like purging. the tears won't stop trickling down his face which he was trying so hard to not let out. The walls surrounding him seem to suffocate him.

Unable to enter his own room, knowing that all the memories of her are there in each and every nook and corner, the place they called home is just unbearable. So he locks himself in a guest room.

He lays on the bed, knows sleep wouldn't come to him. He falls asleep though. Quite early than he had expected. He doesn't remember how and when he fell asleep in midst of feeling so lost, meaningless, lifeless.

 

The life surrounding him was buzzing around like nothing has happened, back on its track and he too knew that he has to go back to his normal routine. He had to do it after avoiding everything.

So he goes to his job everyday. Not in high spirits like before. He doesn't expect anything good coming out of his day either. His mom never forgets to call, she calls daily in fact. Doesn’t put down the phone until she gets her answers. He lies about eating, about looking after himself. His dad sometimes asks two questions on the phone. He only answers in yes or no. Promises his mom that he will go see them every week.

 

***

 

Minhyuk drags his feet to the bar he never knew existed just few blocks away from where he lived. He felt sick right after putting his foot inside. He stays, even chugs down four mugs of beer in a row to get told by the waiter that he should probably stop.

Sitting at the furthest, corner seat in the bar. He holds up the already empty mug, trying to drop the last drops of the beer in his mouth, disappointed he puts down the mug on the table with loud thud. Squinting his eyes he gets a good look at the waiter, his vision blurry but he can still make out the pitying look the other is giving him.

Batting his eyes couple of times to see clear he sighs, tries to sit straighter on his chair, feigning control over himself. Pushing his mug forward he peers at the waiter, “Fill me another.”

 

Minhyuk never really liked how alcohol tasted on his tongue, never really enjoyed the casual drinking with friends for fun.

It doesn’t taste like anything now, he just gulps it down to come back home and slump on the couch. And if he can make it, then the bed in the guest room greets him. Sleep just comes easily like this.

The silence in his little house is fucking him up each passing day. Its just too dark and gloomy. The place where he dreamed of a better life, a happy future is eating him up. Reminding of the things he does not want to think about, but still every one of those little memories he cherishes so much that it hurts, knowing how he has to avoid, stop himself from thinking about the happier times he spent between these four walls. With the person he loved the most. And she is gone.

 

***

 

After eleven months since he had walked into this bar that night for the first time, again Changkyun stands in front of him with the frown residing on his forehead, tells him the same thing. “You have had enough.” he bravely wrestles the mug out of Minhyuk’s grasp this time, who is sprawled on the table. Changkyun puts the mug on the tray in his hands, “I will bring your bill.” he says before walking away.

Minhyuk grunts trying to sit up but he falls back on his chair, his head swinging back, pounding. It hurts. Groaning he lifts his hand to massage at his temples.

Changkyun comes back with the bill and a little glass. “You will feel better with these," he purposely slides the little glass with lemons close to Minhyuk. “Should i call a cab for you?”

“No i’m fine.” Minhyuk reaches for his pant pockets patting a few times to search his wallet. Getting up he slips the cash in the folder. Stumbling a little right at the first step. Tightening his grip over the table, he murmurs to himself, “You can do it.”

Scrunching up his nose Changkyun reaches out his hand to steady Minhyuk but Minhyuk waves it away. In his defence he likes the kid but hates the expression he is bearing right now on his face, before leaving he pats Changkyun's head and mumbles a bye.

 

Shoving the crumbled hem of his shirt carelessly into his pants he walks out of the bar. It is more silent and darker outside. He is got used to walking home in this drunk state, dragging his feet along the hard concrete.

 

Putting all his weight on the door for support he searches his pockets for the keys. Its everyday schedule now. He doesn't open his door without a few curses. The neighbours too have stopped showing any kind of concern. Stopped tossing the sympathy and pity, fake reassurances.

He snorts, He smells so much like alcohol, it's sickening.

Coming home is the thing he still loathes the most. Opening the door to the pitch black house instantly makes him feel ill. He doesn't flick the lights on. Walks to his bedroom in the dark like he always does, hitting few things on his way he falls on his bed. Bed in the guest room.

 

***

 

The bar is surprisingly crowded than normal. Baseball team from the neighbourhood won some tournament so they are taking up the seats in the bar to celebrate their victory. It's really noisy and Minhyuk is on his second mug at his usual table in the corner for two. Sipping on his same bitter beer with his face devoid of any expressions. Cheers annoyingly piercing into his ears.

Changkyun walks towards him disturbing him while he was preoccupied with nothing, that has become everything residing in his head. “Would you mind if somebody else sat with you here?”

Minhyuk frowns. When he looks over where Changkyun tipped his chin, he finds a tall man standing by the door. His hands shoved into the pants of his brown suit. The man is looking at their direction.

 

Hyungwon walks over to where Minhyuk is seated. Pulls the chair and sits in front of him before Minhyuk could say anything to Changkyun.

“I won't bother you,” Hyungwon says folding his hands over his chest. His voice low. He flashes a smile which seems to be forceful. “I'm here for the same reason you are. I will have my drink and walk out,” he fixes his gaze on Minhyuk. “Don't worry.” his lips twitch into another smile.

 

Hyungwon orders a hard drink that Minhyuk would have not recognised a year ago. Now being more familiar with alcohol, he does. Its whisky. He sips his beer and imagines the taste of the whisky he had for the first time when he was a teenager at the back of his throat, he feels like gagging.

The loud kids emptied the bar after their little party was done. Minhyuk is on his sixth glass, maybe seventh, maybe he lost count. His vision already going blurry and dizziness more prominent, obscuring his thoughts.

 

Drinking the whole mug in one go he leans back on his seat. Hyungwon who was indulged in himself, runs his long finger on the rim of the glass over and over, looks towards Minhyuk under his thick eyelashes. Fixing his perfect, already neat shirt, he too leans back on the chair.

Sliding his hands inside of his jacket he pulls out a pack of cigarette that was tucked inside. He taps one out, brings the packet closer to his face so he can bite one with his teeth and put it between his thick lips to light.

Minhyuk doesn't smoke anymore. He had become quite addicted to it but then he quit.

Minhyuk observes the way the other lights the cigarette, the way his cheeks slightly dent from the sides as he inhales lightly. Watches him exhaling the white smoke in the air through his parted lips, head thrown back, eyes hooded.

He knows the feeling too well, is even surprised why hasn't he started smoking again. But he is definitely not fond of whatever life he has made at this point.

He raises his hand to call Changkyun when he feels the familiar pounding in his head. Indicating that he is done for the day and ready to go home and just slump on the bed hoping for the sleep to come.

 

***

 

Minhyuk goes to see his parents every other weekend like he promised he would. His mom makes a face at his appearance. Her eyes doesn’t have to show him his state. He is in fact aware of the skin hugging to his bones and the dark circles residing under his eyes. His clothes getting bigger on him by each passing day.

His mom hugs him tells him to stay for the dinner. His dad at least acknowledges his presence. He doesn't say anything and Minhyuk is thankful for that. His dad was never good with words anyway.

 

He goes to the cemetery just to come back home without visiting the grave. It's still too much for him, too hard for him to tackle with the memories that it brings back. So he just looks from afar until he gets tired.

 

***

 

Minhyuk enters the bar to trudge towards his usual place to find someone already sitting there. It's the same person day before yesterday. The bar is very empty today.

Minhyuk thinks about sitting somewhere else but Hyungwon turns around flashing a small smile, “Please. Feel free to join me.”

Minhyuk frowns. But sits at his place. They don't talk much just like other day. Minhyuk busies himself with his beer and Hyungwon nurses on his whisky, exhaling the smoke in white rings in front of his mouth.

 

***

 

Coming into the bar and finding this mysterious man who mutely accompanies him has become a routine. After a week of exchanging glances and acknowledgment they exchanged names.

 

One day after two weeks Hyungwon doesn't show up, Minhyuk finds himself looking at the door at its every swing. Doesn't know why he was waiting for him anyway. He doesn't know anything about Hyungwon except his name and some casual greeting that slip out of their mouth. There was no need to talk about anything anyway.

Hyungwon finally enters through that door after being missing for three days, he doesn't say anything and sits at his place like normally he would and Minhyuk does not deem it important to ask any questions.

 

Some days Minhyuk comes early and then he finds himself waiting for this drinking partner of his, every swing of the door will get his eyes to skim at it. Until Hyungwon walks through it and Minhyuk feigns obliviousness until Hyungwon sits in front of him.

Hyungwon keeps disappearing like this every now and then. Sometimes for days, sometimes weeks, but as unexpectedly he disappears he reappears.

 

***

 

He visits her grave. A whole year went by. Minhyuk remembers very less of it aside from the workload and drinking. There are so many flowers laid out. Minhyuk brought his own. The one she liked. He places it down. The tears start rolling down his cheeks, breath getting stuck in his throat. He knew this would happen. He was just never ready. He still isnt.

He cries. Because he misses her. He cries because he was such a coward. He cries because he is finally here.

 

***

 

“You drink for a reason.” Hyungwon says one night out of the blue which seems more like a question.

“I do.” Minhyuk answers immediately.

Hyungwon hums, flicks the butt of the cigarette in the ashtray. 

 

***

 

There is something fascinating about watching Hyungwon smoke. Maybe because he is so breathtakingly beautiful or its how his pretty lips perfectly wrap around the cigarette. How he inhales each drag leisurely, like it won't satisfy him if the smoke doesn't damage his lungs and then he will throw back his head just a little to exhale the white smoke, rolling back his eyes.

Minhyuk breathes out and his breathe forms white fog in front of his face, the cold biting into his skin. He shoves his hands further in his pockets. Hyungwon drops his cigarette on the ice spattered on the concrete road, it dies down as soon as it kisses the ice.

 

“What do you work as Hyungwon?” Minhyuk asks leaning on the wall at the back of the bar. The bustling and cheers from the bar can be heard loud and clear even outside like this. Baseball team is having another victory party tonight. Minhyuk remembers how he and Hyungwon had met at one of these parties. It was months ago.

Hyungwon clears his throat. His voice hoarse and it seems like his nose is clogged too when he whispers “It's cold.”

“It is.” Minhyuk whispers back. His teeth shattering from standing too long in the cold, feels like his ears might fall off.

 

“What do you think?” Hyungwon looks up leaning back against the wall beside him. The snow has stopped falling and the sky is pitch black above them. The stars are nowhere to be seen.

“Think what?” Minhyuk turns to Hyungwon. Realising they are standing too close. Its suddenly a little warmer like this.

“What my occupation might be?” Hyungwon says looking completely unfazed by the cold even in his usual clothing, a suit, crisp black, with alot less creases than Minhyuk’s shirt.

“Maybe a lawyer,” he lies. He has seen that gun Hyungwon carries around with him. Gun which peaked out form Hyungwon's inner pocket of the suit far too many times when he would reach for his cigarettes. Hyungwon didn't make any promising efforts to obscure it either.

 

Hyungwon laughs. Maybe too loud for something that wasn't even meant as a joke. His eyes crinkle beautifully and his perfect teeth on full display. Minhyuk has never seen the other laugh like this. He looks more younger. Minhyuk realises he doesn't even know how old Hyungwon is. He doesn't know anything about him except for his name and the brand of cigarette he smokes.

“Then i'll let you think just that,” Hyungwon says, voice hushed easing from laughter. Minhyuk is not even drunk, he didn't even set foot inside the bar when he saw Hyungwon smoking out and joined to stand beside him. But he feels Hyungwon slant closer. It's more warmer like this.

 

Hyungwon turns to him, “I dunno what has got you this sad,” Minhyuk peers over him and notices his eyes softening from its edges when he is so close like this, “But i don't want to know either if you don't want to tell.”

Minhyuk freezes. He can't stand the cold anymore, his eyes flit from Hyungwon’s eyes to his thick lips which has started shivering minutely from the cold, notices how his cheeks are red. “No,” his eyes flicker up to Hyungwon’s eyes, “You don't want to know.” he says quietly.

Hyungwon smiles, much fragile, that forced smile. He stands straighter. “We shouldn't stand out anymore. It feels any more second and i will die from the cold.”

“Yeah. We shouldn't.”

Minhyuk doesn't drink that night. It feels weird coming home sober. His legs not wobbly and the door opens easily without dropping his keys for a change.

 

***

 

“It's been over a year and half now,” his mother tentatively whispers over the dinner table, cautiously.

Minhyuk looks up from his soup. His father’s eyes flit from his mother to him, observing.

“Yeah i have been visiting her often lately,” he lies. “I know i'm not doing enough its-”

“No it's not about that,” his mother cuts him off. Letting go of the spoon she places her small hand on his, they are soft and warm. “It’s..”

Minhyuk’s looks at her, concerned. His father hasn't moved his attention from him. He raises his eyebrows just a little, prompting her to continue.

“We worry about you alot Minhyuk. Even your father.” the words weigh heavy on his heart, but his expression softens and he sighs.

Wrapping his big hand around his mother’s, bringing other to place over, patting soothingly he speaks softly, “You don't have to mom. I'm getting better.” he isn't.

“Why don't you think about remarrying,” she asks promptly. Her eyes widen in hope, darting all over his face. It looks like she had practised the same line over and over. Silence settles in a room. 

 

Minhyuk parts his lips but finds himself speechless at the sudden statement. He retreats his hands to wipe the creases over his pants. After moments he gets up, “Thanks for the food.”

“But you didn't even eat anything yet-”

“She hasn't said anything wrong _Minhyuk_!” his dad's thick voice cuts through the air like sharp knife.

He halts in his steps. He turns back to look where his father is seated. “No she hasn't. But i-” his words get caught in his throat.

“You are still young. You have your whole life ahead of you. We just care.” his mom says in such a fragile voice. It pains him.

It pains that they think they will toss these things in front of him when he is not even ready. He is just tired. He wants them to stop, just stop with whatever they are doing. He doesn't know anymore either what he wants.

“I just can't.” he says outright.

“I heard from your mother about the condition of your house. I think it's best for you to move somewhere else.”

“i'll think about it,” he mutters briskly before leaving.

 

***

 

Its comfortable like this. With Hyungwon. Just minding with their own thoughts or maybe not. They talk about trivial things sometimes. The table. Furniture material. The bar. Alcohol. Changkyun. Sometimes they laugh too much and sometimes they just stay silent. Sometimes things about each other slip out. It's nice having that human contact where things don't remind him of his past.

 

***

 

Hyungwon shows up after eight days of being missing. Not that Minhyuk was counting. He is already on his third mug.

Hyungwon seats in front of him. “Hi” he greets Minhyuk with that usual lazy tone of his.

 

“You look different.” Minhyuk says over the rim of the mug. Gulping down the remnants and putting it back on the table.

Hyungwon pulls out a cigarette and lightly bites it between his teeth. “Uh huh,” he hums searching for the lighter.

“Much tanner.” Minhyuk says staring at him.

 

The cold has been much harsher the last few days. Minhyuk doesn't ask where Hyungwon has been to have the fresh tan that is glowing over his skin when the country hasn't seen any bright sunlight in weeks. He walks home shoving his hands further into the padded jacket. His legs weak and sluggish against the ice layered over the road, because of the cold and the alcohol. Hyungwon wordlessly walks beside him.

 

Minhyuk gets pushed against the wall as soon as the door clicks shut. Plump lips crashing against his, kissing sloppily. And before he knows it the jackets is slipped off of his shoulders and sharp teeth are digging into his neck.

Minhyuk runs his slender fingers over Hyungwon’s neck, grabbing his chin with other to pull him up and kiss him again. Hyungwon tastes of cigarettes. Nicotine.

Minhyuk maneuvers their drunk bodies to the guest room, and pushes both of their bodies on the bed.

 

Minhyuk wakes up to an empty spot beside him. His clothes still on the floor where he had discarded them last night, Hyungwon is nowhere to be found. He trudges out of his room pulling up his sweat pants and notices tall figure of Hyungwon standing near the window.

Hyungwon doesn’t turn to Minhyuk even though he is aware of other's presence. His eyes busy flitting from one end to another of the picture hugging to the wall.

Minhyuk’s hands are slung over a pretty woman, much petite than him, her eyes are closed and she is smiling so big while Minhyuk has this mischievous glint in his eyes that are curved into crescents, smiling wider and tipping his head on her head, snuggling so closer. The picture is just so enticing. Minhyuk looks so young and lively.

“Beautiful.” Hyungwon whispers. Minhyuk is standing beside him now, Looking at the picture too. Faint smile pulling at his lips.

“She was.” he nods lightly. Hyungwon looks over at him. And Minhyuk looks drastically different from what is in front of him, in that frame. Hyungwon’s heart breaks at the tired visage of Minhyuk, his tired eyes, chapped lips, sharp bones under his skin.

He want to see Minhyuk smiling like he is in the picture. So big and warm.

 

“I thought you went.” Minhyuk says looking at him.

“I was going.”

“Okay.”

Hyungwon reaches out his hand. Minhyuk sees the hand closing over his cheek. But he flinches when Hyungwon’s knuckles barely brush over his skin. There is sustained moment where Hyungwon’s hand stays stretched out in the air. He brings it down, “I'll leave.”

Minhyuk nods.

 

***

 

Hyungwon was made to not care. A perfect killing machine devoid of emotions and he was supposed to stay that way. He wasn't supposed to learn the emotions that were meant to stay foreign to him.

He has started to care about Minhyuk and he is definitely not the first. But before he could put off the emotions aside that hindered his job. With Minhyuk it is difficult, like he turned on a switch that Hyungwon can't turn off. His mind filling with thoughts of Minhyuk, creeping stubbornly, gradual and slow.

 

“Here,” Jooheon passes the envelope over the desk. “Two.”

“When?” Hyungwon asks pulling out the pictures in the envelope. There are picture of two boys just past their teenage. He grimaces.

“Nine days from now, any changes I'll let you know.” Jooheon states. Mumbling, “Its apparent.”

Hyungwon slides back the photos in envelope and shoves it into the inner pocket of his suit. “What?”

“Its like you look more and more terrified each time i meet you.”

“I am.”

“Just try to conceal it better. If you wanna live that is. You are the best shot he has. At least boss believes it that way. Don't let him down and... die.”

“He is free to have his beliefs. Doesn't he go around saying that about everyone. We kill for him. That's all he wants from us. I don't even know human things about me. He has ruined me enough. The more i get scared of these jobs each passing day, the less i get scared of him.”

"He has ruined everyone." Jooheon just chuckles. “Just don't die on me.”

“As i said i'm trying not to.”

 

***

 

Minhyuk’s finger traces over the gun in his hands as he is leaned against the headrest. There is nothing new about its design. It's just a plain gun he had seen in movies. Had seen it with Hyungwon. Had seen him toss it to the side while undressing himself. This is the first time he was touching it.

“Trust me its not fascinating.” Hyungwon says perched on the end of the bed.

He looks over to Hyungwon, “Its intriguing.”

Shirtless like this in dim light of table lamp Minhyuk still can see the tattoo adorning Hyungwon’s whole arm. Its alot of miscellaneous patterns and colours. There are flowers and a skull and chains, some little intricate lines. Its intriguing to look at too.

“I were to kill you with that.”

There is a pause. “Why?” he asks. His voice devoid of surprise, tired. Hyungwon turns back. His eyes fall to the gun resting in Minhyuk’s hands. He scowls.

 

“You had seen me doing something you weren't supposed to. In the alley, i was to kill this guy in one stroke of the knife. He had tossed my gun aside. I had his knife against his neck.

But then you were there out of nowhere. I didn't even hear you coming close. At the end of the alley, barfing. Panicked I got distracted. He wrestled the knife out of my hand and cut me over the stomach. Took me time to finish him up.

I ran out of the alley grabbing my gun to find you. I was going to shoot you right at the moment if i had found you. But in all the fiasco i lost you.”

“Oh” is all Minhyuk says. His eyes scan over Hyungwon torso when he turns around completely at the edge of the bed. There are so many scars there, “Which ones the scar?”

Hyungwon scoots closer in front of minhyuk standing on his knees. He Points at the scar near the side of stomach. It isn't the nastiest. “Then i found you in that bar. Exactly two days after. I was relieved i could finally kill you. I was anticipating some reaction, any kind. But you were acting aloof. I thought you were bluffing at first. Feigning ignorance. But you had actually forgotten about me.”

Minhyuk meets Hyungwon’s eyes gingerly, his soft hushed voice betraying his twisted expression. “All this time i had no idea.”

“If my cover were to be blown. I would have been in big trouble. I was to kill you without second thoughts despite you remember or don't.

You didn't remember anything. I couldn't kill you. I just kept coming back. And here we are”

Minhyuk laughs distastefully, “I would have been dead.”

“I guess.” is all Hyungwon says.

Minhyuk would have snapped. Maybe would have yelled at Hyungwon. But then he thought of the reasons and he signed. Hyungwon was doing his job and Minhyuk was at wrong place at wrong time because he was careless.

Hyungwon's gaze is so careful on him and his adam apple bobs in his throat when he gulps, "I'm sorry." He places his hand on Minhyuk's knee and rubs delicately. "I thought i should tell you." 

"I know. Thanks for telling me." Hyungwon takes the gun out of Minhyuk's slacked grasp and puts it aside.

 

***

 

Beer doesnt run down his throat without tasting like an acid. He feels nauseating. He waits for Hyungwon. Hyungwon never comes. 

His head starts hurting just after a glass and he thumbs at his temples. Changkyun worries about him. Its suffocating in the bar. Minhyuk stops going after fifth day.

 

***

 

He did his job. He killed two of those men near the construction site. Where they were laid passed out from drugs. The empty bottles littering beside them. And now the blood splattered on the floor.

His fumbling steps find Minhyuk’s home and despite the shocked look painted on face when he opened the door to look at the messed up him, Hyungwon knew Minhyuk would wrap him in his arms without asking too many questions.

 

Minhyuk gasps loudly, runs his blunt nails over Hyungwon’s bony back. Arching his back as his chest grazes against Hyungwon’s, yearning for more contact, he cries into Hyungwon’s mouth, his moans reaching straight to Hyungwon's erection. Hyungwon thrusts deeper, discovering Minhyuk's mouth with his tongue, swallowing down his each moan. Trying to keep him flat against the bed with the firm hold of his hands on his sides.

Hyungwon lets go of Minhyuk’s mouth to kiss down his neck. Minhyuk bites down on his lips to keep his moans from spilling. Hyungwon grinds into him as Minhyuk writhes, his teeth digging deeper into his soft lips, spilling out blood.

Hyungwon slows down, breathing heavy he stops. His hands reach to Minhyuk’s chin.

“Let me see.” Hyungwon whispers in between his pants. Moving his hand to Minhyuk's mouth coaxing him to release the lip he was biting on mercilessly.

Minhyuk opens his mouth letting go of his bottom lip with a pained moan. Its swollen and red with blood. Hyungwon moves his fingers over the bloody lip. “Look what you have done.” he whispers with a faint worry underlying his words. His perfect brows pulled in concern.

Minhyuk adjusts his vision, his chest still heaving. He looks at the Hyungwon’s fingers and pulls his lips into a smile. But it hurts. The cracks on his lips spilling more blood making them look irresistibly delicious.

In a breath Hyungwon leans down to catch Minhyuk’s bottom lip between his, sucking on it to draw out more blood. Minhyuk keens squirming under him. It stings. Minhyuk’s hand finds and grabs his arm tighter and his fingers dig into the skin. Right over the chains of his tattoo.

Hyungwon moves his tongue over Minhyuk’s bitten lip with one last wet swipe earning a groan from him.

Opening his heavy eyelids he observes his work. Minhyuk’s eyes are still closed as he takes slow breaths through his bruised, parted lips, his hand still tight around his arm, hair sticking out everywhere, a mess. A very gorgeous mess. How wonderfully sinful.

Hyungwon cups Minhyuk's face into both of his hands rubbing his thumb in circles over his flushed cheeks. Observing other’s light features.

“I'm a monster.” Hyungwon whispers over Minhyuk’s swollen lips.

Minhyuk opens his eyes and looks at Hyungwon through half lidded eyes, he wants to disagree want to say no you aren't, but he really doesn't know. Does he? Maybe he does.

He just knows Hyungwon is guilty of some things, of a lot of things. He kills and he hates himself for it.

Hyungwon exhales, rises up on his elbows a little to brace himself on either side of Minhyuk, but before he could move Minhyuk flips them over. Hyungwon grunts at his throbbing cock sliding out as he falls flat on the mattress.

“We all are.” Minhyuk’s voice is soft and hoarse, Just like that night outside the bar in the cold, contrary to dark, deep black of his eyes staring down at Hyungwon. Looking like an injured fiery wolf without his pack. Nothing to lose, with a need to just give what is left of him in order to claim something, anything.

 

Minhyuk leans down to leave trail of soft sweet kisses on Hyungwon’s skin above his shoulders moving up his neck, he murmurs against his left cheek, “Insensitive, cruel.” Bringing his thumb to Hyungwon lips as he spells out each syllabus close to the corner of his lips. “Selfish.” Minhyuk pushes his thumb at Hyungwon’s lips, past his lips and over his tongue into the wet mouth.

Minhyuk pries Hyungwon legs apart, kneading at the skin on his thighs, placing his thumb down there, he pushes it inside causing a breath to hitch in Hyungwon’s throat, making him bury his head back into the sheets and sucking in harsh breaths.

Minhyuk nibbles at his clenched jaw as he fucks his thumb into Hyungwon. Slow and gentle. He slides out his thumb trailing it over inner thigh of Hyungwon, rendering him breathless as he rises to place his bruised lips over other’s. Hyungwon relaxes, breathes slow in the touches of Minhyuk’s hand moving up his torso.

Looping his dainty fingers around Hyungwon’s wrists he flings them over his own shoulders, leaning down with great urgency. Skin flushed on bare skin, Minhyuk slots himself in front of Hyungwon, prying his legs apart clasping his hands to bend Hyungwon’s knees and pushing them forward. Pecking at his lips, without any warning he pushes forward slowly causing both of them to grunt into the kisses.

Minhyuk’s thrusts are slow and steady, relentless. His body warm and shaking against Hyungwon's as he leaves sloppy kisses and blemishes over his neck.

And when he moves up coaxing one of Hyungwon’s hand down his shoulder to curl his trembling fingers in between Hyungwon’s, his face is hot against Hyungwon’s cheek. His thin lips grazing over his ear, panting, whispering nothings, moaning, cursing under his breath.

“Let me hear you Hyungwon.” Minhyuk’s voice comes out hoarsely. He kisses at Hyungwon’s earshell as he starts thrusting faster. Minhyuk’s still hand clasped in his. Hyungwon grunts throwing his legs over Minhyuk’s back to keep in the place. “Louder.” Minhyuk moans again near the red of Hyungwon’s ear.

He pushes deeper with each thrust leaving both of them heaving for more air and grunting and cursing.

Minhyuk feels the familiar heat looping around his groin. He slides out his hand from hyungwon and wraps his fingers around Hyungwon length, attempting to give it poor strokes, as he aims towards his own release.

Hyungwon keens at the feeling of Minhyuk's fingers over his hard leaking shaft. Hyungwon can feel Minhyuk getting closer to his climax when his movements are more erratic and his other quivery hand presses down on ridge his waistbone. 

Minhyuk comes first filling himself in Hyungwon, riding out his orgasm. Hyungwon slips his fingers between Minhyuk’s over his cock. He walks his other hand through Minhyuk’s hair over his nape and pulls him down with urgent tug, kissing him sluggishly. Both of them breathing harshly and Hyungwon shuts his eyes at the sensation, his lips still grazing against Minhyuk's parted, panting ones. He grunts through his teeth working his hand and trembles shooting white between both of their torsos.

They just lay there sticky and sweaty, exhausted, collecting the lost air into their lungs. Breathing heavy.

Minhyuk breathes into Hyungwon’s scent, burying his nose into Hyungwon’s bare crook, he breathes into his skin, his presence.

 

*** 

 

The thing about Hyungwon is that he killed so many people, saw unmoving bodies stay on the ground soaking into the pool of their own blood, when the bullet that sheared through their flesh was his. From his gun that he carried around so close to him, and through years has learned to keep it with him like it's a necessity.

Even after seeing the blood of others on him countless times, witnessing the death. The thing he couldn't turn immune to was the hurt, the guilt that came after it. Dragged the sleepless gloomy nights into regret.

Minhyuk was supposed to be just another, one of his victim but then this thing started out between them, not something completely meaningless. It's complicated in so many ways but it's easy. 

It feels like they are galloping in perpetual circles, never ending. He knows very little of Minhyuk. And Minhyuk knows very little of him. Minhyuk doesn't have any questions and Hyungwon doesn't ask. They just let out parts of each other’s story from time to time and seem to be good at joining the dots.

Hyungwon likes to watch Minhyuk completely fall apart under him. Even though the guilt of the pain always twists his stomach into unfurling remorse, Minhyuk’s pained moans of pleasure are lustful. His shaking hands running over his skin are desirable.

Minhyuk deliberately takes his time kissing all the bruises he makes and leaves, touches of his nimble fingers feather like and delicate unlike his tapering sharp eyes.

 

“I think you are teaching me the language i’m starting to slowly allow myself to understand more.”

“Those are some twisted, complicated words,” Minhyuk snorts against his chest where he is curled in Hyungwon’s arms so effortlessly. “Is that a confession?” he cranes his neck and his eyes flit to meet Hyungwon’s in the dark.

“I don't know,” he exhales. “What do you want me to confess?” Hyungwon says in a voice so low it would have been difficult for Minhyuk to hear if not for their close proximity.

“I don't know either.”

 

“Do you miss her?” Hyungwon breaks the silence after a brief moment, asking him in mumbles over the soft of his black hair.

“I do,” Minhyuk answers promptly, pulling back, and Hyungwon’s hand which was slung over him falls on the mattress. “I'll always do. I guess.” Minhyuk scoots closer to his hand and curls into himself a little, brings his hand to lightly trace over the pink flowers of Hyungwon’s tattoo. “What did you want to hear?”

“Exactly that.”That makes Minhyuk smile who is thumbing at the skin over inside of and just little above his elbow. It tickles.

“Is 15 your birthday?”

It was the first unwilling tattoo he had. A mark of what he is. And that how everyone he knows, all those killing machines, they share the same tattoo. A number given to them, carved into their skins and how he has year by year tried to obscure it by drawing more tattoos around it. Until his whole arm was full of the tattoos. But the number still stubbornly stands out.

It's complicated to explain everything to Minhyuk from the start. And Hyungwon thinks Minhyuk doesn't want him to. Not like this. Not right now.

“No.”

Minhyuk doesn't press. His gaze following every pattern of Hyungwon’s tattoo where his finger traces in smooth touches of his pads.

“Do you like it?” Hyungwon asks. His voice comes out shaky when Minhyuk’s finger moves over the sensitive skin.

“You are asking so many questions today.” he chuckles, Minhyuk’s lips pull further in a smile. “I think it's beautiful.” his eyes flutter up to meet Hyungwon’s eyes.

And it's that genuine smile. Hyungwon swears he saw the smallest hint of the smile from that big photo frame clinging to that wall which was previously painted in warm yellow but now its just grey.

He notes every curvature of his lips before it fades away. He wants to see it again.

 

***

 

Minhyuk opens the door of his new house and sees Hyungwon standing on the other side with his usual crisp suit, so tall and so handsome. Almost after three weeks this time. Minhyuk breaths calmly in the enoughness. And Hyungwon is satiated with just the expression of familiarity he could bring on Minhyuk’s face. That he belongs somewhere.

This. whatever it is. Is finite between them. They know it. There is a limit, If one day Minhyuk just decides to up and leave to start over and Hyungwon disappears someday like he always does to never come back.

But those are the things to worry about for later. Right now, this is enough.

**Author's Note:**

> i tried to write more of their stories but i wanted it as ambiguous and concealed as it is for both of them. i have been trying to write this for such a long time and there were times when i just thought this is crap and i should just drop it and never see it again lol. 
> 
> Hyunghyuk being comfortable around each other without any words is such a soft concept, but i twisted it in this angsty thing ha ha. Also i wanted to try writing smut and i hope it turned out atleast okay. i proofread it and if there are any mistakes please let me know. Thank you so so much if you reached till here and for reading this<3 kudos and comments will really mean alot ^^


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